First and foremost before telling my story about my successful HBAC (Homebirth after C-section), I would like to briefly retell the story of my firsts birth. The birth of my first son was anything but a gentle welcome to parenthood. Instead it was the exact opposite it left parts of me traumatized, broken, and incomplete. Everything I was led to believe for the reasons behind my C-section with my first had been proven a lie. When I obtained my medical records from the hospital I realized how much I was lied to. It took 3 years of research, studying, and preparation before I could ever feel confident or safe in my ability to birth again. I’ve waited 3 years to tell this story and to wait for a healing birth. Prior to conceiving I had found a midwife who supported my plans for HBAC and a doula who was able to relate to the trauma I had experienced and knew the implications and outcomes of how difficult birth is to achieve for women of color. Although my doula did not have experience with homebirth she knew how realistic the outcomes were for women of color and she knew how we were treated in the hospital system because she was a mother and also a woman of color. Without further notice here is my birth story of my second son, Orion:
On June 5th, 2015 at 3:30 am I was having dreams of pushing out a baby in the midst of those dreams I woke up to contractions. My first thought was, this better not be labor, I have plans to go over 41 weeks like I did with my first! I had thought I would go at least a week over with this baby like I did with my son and I was not ready for labor. I thought I had all this time to get the rest of things together before my maternity leave and everything, which was not the case. I ended up texting my friend Rae at first since she was all up and we lived in different time zones. I told her I was going to take a shower because I was having some pains but was not sure it was labor. So we texted back and forth about life and random things for the next hour. Next I texted my doula to just give her a heads up. I told her I doubted it was truly labor but just wanted to let her know in case. The contractions did not ease up regardless of me taking a shower and trying to walk them away. I pulled out my yoga mat thinking if I were to do a couple of poses it would help relieve the pain. My doula texted me back around 6 in the morning to see how I was doing. The contractions were somewhat intense I told her to come on over and I sent her a screen shot of how far the contractions were going. Once she was there I was able to relax and drift off into labor land, while her and my midwife communicated via text. I asked my doula if my midwife was on the way and she called her to make sure. I think after hearing me say some unpleasant words or more like an alphabet of them she and her assistant were headed on their way.
Around 8:30 am I had decided to get in the shower again to help through the waves and peaks of the contractions while my doula help my hand and reminded me to breathe through them. I had a hard time relaxing and flowing with the contractions to the point each contraction would send me on my tippy toes clinching to fight them. My husband had woke up around that time and was confused at so many people being at our home because I did not bother to wake him up to let him know I was in labor. During my labor he made sure to check up on me between helping with our older son and what he could handle. It worked for us, because I knew he couldn’t handle watching me in pain and I felt I needed to be surrounded by women who could help talk me through this experience. I still fought contractions until my doula and the midwife’s assistant reminded me to breathe through them and to try to relax. After hours of tensing up I was ready to listen and to help get this baby out. I started to try to relax through them and to tell them to help me talk me through each roaring wave of contractions.
I had the early urge to push which concerned my midwife and her assistant so we decided to do a vaginal exam to see if I was far enough along to push, needless to say it didn’t work out and it had hurt too much. They were concerned that the baby was posterior because of my back labor and urge to push but I felt it was too painful to see how far dilated I was and could not finish the exam. Later on in the afternoon my midwife kept saying it was a beautiful day and it was a lovely time to go for a walk. I did not pick up on the hint that she expected me to walk outside for a little bit. I looked at her with puppy dog eyes and said I really don’t want to. I did not want to do anything and all I wanted to do was sleep and get this baby out. My midwife convinced me to take a walk with my doula and her assistant which helped a little bit but the back labor was so strong I worried about having to transfer for pain relief so I went along and did what they said. While we were outside pushing I had contractions bring me to my knees and I just sat there in the grass. I thought about my baby, the back pain, and if there was something I could do about it. We had tried essential oils and massage but the assistant had gave me another alternative, sterile water injections. I decided to do the water injections which were very painful to inject but took the most of the back pain out of labor so I could focus. Once we returned inside my midwife and her assistant wanted me to do the miles circuit to help turn baby into the right position. Well, truly that was some very intense positioning during contractions. The miles circuit felt like torture but I knew it was worth getting baby to turn if it meant I had to move into certain positions for a certain amount of time. I made sure my midwife kept up with the time because I did not want to be in those positions for longer than what I needed to be during intense contractions. After doing the miles circuit I asked for a second round of water injections because the back pain was coming back even more intense. I even told my midwife that I needed the injections, then I would rest, and finally I would be ready to have this baby. With my music turned on and after the injections, I drifted in and out of sleep not realizing my body was involuntarily pushing. After an hour or two I told my midwife I was ready to try some more positions and she had my doula take me to the bathroom. When going to the bathroom my water literally exploded all over the toilet and the contractions got intense. They asked if I wanted to use the birthing stool which I said yes but they had to go get it out of my midwives car. By then I had changed my mind and wanted a bath because I felt dirty and while in the tub my body started grunting and pushing involuntarily. I started to feel hot and the water was making me feel dizzy. My midwife asked to do a check just to make sure I was pushing effectively. She told me maybe the tub was not best for me pushing and eventually I should make my way out and they would bring the birthing stool into the bathroom. I agreed to get out of the tub “eventually” and while I was getting out of the tub, I naturally lunged my leg over the tub and pushed baby out further. I was able to make it onto the birthing stool and kept feeling all the pain in my back and I pushed my baby boy out. The feeling of pushing my baby out felt similar to a phoenix born from the ashes. He weighed 6lbs 12oz, 3kgs (3 more ounces than my first who I was the reasons for the C-section were CPD, OP, FTP) born at 6:09 pm on June 5th 2015
There were times when we laughed even during the intense parts of labor because I had felt jinxed when a week prior my midwives assistant jinxed me to have the baby on the 5th which I told her repeatedly how mad I was at her for it. I also know without being surrounded by these supportive women, I wouldn’t have been able to birth the way I wanted or to focus on birth the way I needed. I also wanted to thank the many supportive women from the VBAC forums and even Meleek who runs black women do VBAC because little does she know that before I conceived she had gave me the courage to try and to even conceive again.
On June 5th, 2015 at 3:30 am I was having dreams of pushing out a baby in the midst of those dreams I woke up to contractions. My first thought was, this better not be labor, I have plans to go over 41 weeks like I did with my first! I had thought I would go at least a week over with this baby like I did with my son and I was not ready for labor. I thought I had all this time to get the rest of things together before my maternity leave and everything, which was not the case. I ended up texting my friend Rae at first since she was all up and we lived in different time zones. I told her I was going to take a shower because I was having some pains but was not sure it was labor. So we texted back and forth about life and random things for the next hour. Next I texted my doula to just give her a heads up. I told her I doubted it was truly labor but just wanted to let her know in case. The contractions did not ease up regardless of me taking a shower and trying to walk them away. I pulled out my yoga mat thinking if I were to do a couple of poses it would help relieve the pain. My doula texted me back around 6 in the morning to see how I was doing. The contractions were somewhat intense I told her to come on over and I sent her a screen shot of how far the contractions were going. Once she was there I was able to relax and drift off into labor land, while her and my midwife communicated via text. I asked my doula if my midwife was on the way and she called her to make sure. I think after hearing me say some unpleasant words or more like an alphabet of them she and her assistant were headed on their way.
Around 8:30 am I had decided to get in the shower again to help through the waves and peaks of the contractions while my doula help my hand and reminded me to breathe through them. I had a hard time relaxing and flowing with the contractions to the point each contraction would send me on my tippy toes clinching to fight them. My husband had woke up around that time and was confused at so many people being at our home because I did not bother to wake him up to let him know I was in labor. During my labor he made sure to check up on me between helping with our older son and what he could handle. It worked for us, because I knew he couldn’t handle watching me in pain and I felt I needed to be surrounded by women who could help talk me through this experience. I still fought contractions until my doula and the midwife’s assistant reminded me to breathe through them and to try to relax. After hours of tensing up I was ready to listen and to help get this baby out. I started to try to relax through them and to tell them to help me talk me through each roaring wave of contractions.
I had the early urge to push which concerned my midwife and her assistant so we decided to do a vaginal exam to see if I was far enough along to push, needless to say it didn’t work out and it had hurt too much. They were concerned that the baby was posterior because of my back labor and urge to push but I felt it was too painful to see how far dilated I was and could not finish the exam. Later on in the afternoon my midwife kept saying it was a beautiful day and it was a lovely time to go for a walk. I did not pick up on the hint that she expected me to walk outside for a little bit. I looked at her with puppy dog eyes and said I really don’t want to. I did not want to do anything and all I wanted to do was sleep and get this baby out. My midwife convinced me to take a walk with my doula and her assistant which helped a little bit but the back labor was so strong I worried about having to transfer for pain relief so I went along and did what they said. While we were outside pushing I had contractions bring me to my knees and I just sat there in the grass. I thought about my baby, the back pain, and if there was something I could do about it. We had tried essential oils and massage but the assistant had gave me another alternative, sterile water injections. I decided to do the water injections which were very painful to inject but took the most of the back pain out of labor so I could focus. Once we returned inside my midwife and her assistant wanted me to do the miles circuit to help turn baby into the right position. Well, truly that was some very intense positioning during contractions. The miles circuit felt like torture but I knew it was worth getting baby to turn if it meant I had to move into certain positions for a certain amount of time. I made sure my midwife kept up with the time because I did not want to be in those positions for longer than what I needed to be during intense contractions. After doing the miles circuit I asked for a second round of water injections because the back pain was coming back even more intense. I even told my midwife that I needed the injections, then I would rest, and finally I would be ready to have this baby. With my music turned on and after the injections, I drifted in and out of sleep not realizing my body was involuntarily pushing. After an hour or two I told my midwife I was ready to try some more positions and she had my doula take me to the bathroom. When going to the bathroom my water literally exploded all over the toilet and the contractions got intense. They asked if I wanted to use the birthing stool which I said yes but they had to go get it out of my midwives car. By then I had changed my mind and wanted a bath because I felt dirty and while in the tub my body started grunting and pushing involuntarily. I started to feel hot and the water was making me feel dizzy. My midwife asked to do a check just to make sure I was pushing effectively. She told me maybe the tub was not best for me pushing and eventually I should make my way out and they would bring the birthing stool into the bathroom. I agreed to get out of the tub “eventually” and while I was getting out of the tub, I naturally lunged my leg over the tub and pushed baby out further. I was able to make it onto the birthing stool and kept feeling all the pain in my back and I pushed my baby boy out. The feeling of pushing my baby out felt similar to a phoenix born from the ashes. He weighed 6lbs 12oz, 3kgs (3 more ounces than my first who I was the reasons for the C-section were CPD, OP, FTP) born at 6:09 pm on June 5th 2015
There were times when we laughed even during the intense parts of labor because I had felt jinxed when a week prior my midwives assistant jinxed me to have the baby on the 5th which I told her repeatedly how mad I was at her for it. I also know without being surrounded by these supportive women, I wouldn’t have been able to birth the way I wanted or to focus on birth the way I needed. I also wanted to thank the many supportive women from the VBAC forums and even Meleek who runs black women do VBAC because little does she know that before I conceived she had gave me the courage to try and to even conceive again.
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