Last year I was so excited to find out my fiancé (now hubby) and I were pregnant. I love birth and aspire to be a midwife. I got my hands all on the "hippie" Ina May stuff I could get a hold of. I just knew I was going to birth this amazing little girl all naturally and it would be just perfect--until at 24 weeks I woke up to a stabbing pain in my left side and just knew everything wasn't good. My mom took me to hospital and baby looked fine but my cervix was only 11mm and was close to letting my membranes bulge. Of course everyone freaked, I was ordered to bedrest and to go to a MFM over an hour away from me to ensure this baby stayed put. They put me on progesterone suppositories and I was terrified. Birth wasn't supposed to be like this. All those wonderful stories lied. Well lo and behold my daughter didn't come early but actually came late. 41 weeks I let my doctors start to freak me out saying I was post term, this was no good and we'll just induce. So I agreed and at 41 weeks 3 days I went in. After 16 hours of labor I stopped at 7cm was exhausted and worried. So the one person I put all my trust and faith in--my midwife--said the "c" word. This warm beautiful birth angel knew my desire for all natural. I had made it this far without any pain meds and just caved. When my angel said c-section I just said ok. I had a beautiful 9lb 5oz daughter May 14th. We were doing great until she was whisked away and I was told I wasn't to see for an hour until I recovered. My world shattered--my bunny wasn't mine to hold. I had a rough recovery, I was stitched up double layer, because through my haze I remember Ina May Gaskin's words to make sure I got doubled, but recovery was horrible. I had incontinence for three days due to being catheterized. I was beyond exhausted and drained. I did breastfeed but was so hurt I didn't enjoy it, until much later. I just knew I could never do this again...this wasn't me, this wasn't birth and this wasn't what I wanted.
Well, when I found out I was pregnant when my daughter was 8 months old, I was excited yet hestitant. I just turned twenty and was going to be a mom twice over and knew my uterus would just be on cusp of VBAC "ok" rules. But I learned my lesson, no more just blindly trusting doctors without real research and proof. No more being compliant. And to put my faith in Jehovah God instead of man. I'm my baby's sole guardian and protector, I must be woman and stand up. I was excited for first prenatal and was armed with info and so excited to bring another gift in the world. Well I was devasted to hear flat out "This hospital doesn 't do VBACs, you want one go somewhere else." End of discussion. I was hurt and disappointed. I found out just how sad my little state was when it came to birth. Nobody touched them and our c-section rate is 35%. But I still studied, looked for support online and through mutual friends, and most importantly prayed to Jehovah God about what I should do. I insisted VBAC is what we want and VBAC is what we're gonna get. I stuck with my local midwives and doctor practice. When they saw how determined I was I got support, was clearly told the hospital's policy of no VBACs but was also encouraged for being smart.
I planned on a UC and had tried to hire a doula, but birth is so misunderstood in my state and women are literally fighting for homebirth and normal birth everyone was too scared to actually take part, for fear of being arrested and accused of practicing medicine without a license. But I did talk to some wonderful ladies and one doula was amazing for answering all my questions and really preparing me if I did decide to have a unattended birth. I was on the fence of UC or laboring at home as long possible then transfer.
Well at 38 weeks outward pressure and my nerves built and I didn't know if I could really do it. I saw a very rough OB who was irritated that I waited so long to schedule and demanded I schedule a cesarean. I broke down, scheduled it and cried to the woman how I was disappointed and hurt. They scheduled it for the following week due to my request (which they found shocking a woman would wait so long). But then I had a miraculous midwife who told me to basically believe in myself, that I have power to cancel my section, they can't force me in to one. And if I did show up pushing and ready to go they couldn't force me. That gave me the extra courage and strength I needed to cancel my RCS for the next day. That weekend I lost my mucus plug, had bloody show and was hopeful my baby would be in my arms very soon. Nonetheless, I found myself disappointed and frustrated. My cousin and aunt who were due a few days apart had their babies already and everyone was worried what was wrong with me. I was 40 weeks and avoided the office, I knew we were healthy and ok. Family & well meaning friends became so overly zealous I shut the world out and tuned in to support VBAC and natural birth communities, then most importantly my self.
I found myself bitting my nails watching weeks tick by, reassuring myself & others 40, then 41 and finally 42 weeks was still ok. I had prodromal labor whole time and felt flustered. On Monday (going on Tuesday) night, I had contractions that felt real and became excited and went to hospital--I was so ready for this to be it!! Midwife on duty was very snappy and pissed I was 42 weeks, had no Rh shot and no c-section. I said if I'm 10cm and ready to go let me push. But i was only 2-3 and 80% effaced (I had been there since 37 weeks). They wanted me to have c-section or leave AMA. My husband talked me through it and we agreed AMA. So we left, made arrangements for oldest & traveled 1hr and 1/2 to a teaching hospital to have VBAC hope. When we arrived I was only 4cm and 90% with contractions 10minute apart but not doing anything. The OB said she wouldn't allow me to VBAC and my chances were only 20%. I could have had c-section that day and finally have my bun. I refused it and said I only would agree if a biophysical profile showed baby was in danger. Well he scored 8 out of 8 and we still kept didn't know what sex our baby was. We once again agreed to AMA and go home after resting at his parents nearby.
Finally that friday at 8am, my water broke in a huge gush while we were in bed. I leaked for a day and had no real contractions. But I spent that night at my mom's because I knew my toddler was bringing me out of labor land and it helped. Saturday afternoon I felt rushes occasionally and my hubby brought over our daughter so he could really clean house before baby arrived. My sweet daughter rubbed my thighs while I labored a bit on the toilet. Finally around 10pm that night rushes seemed to pick up and get serious. At 10:40, I must have hit second stage--I labored in shower/tub and moooed to keep my bottom open. Hubby kept asking if it was time to go to hospital but I knew we past that point I was finally feeling primal like everyone told me I would. It was horribly painful, I couldn't get comfortable and just wanted it to end. I mentally was cussing out those ladies on orgasmic birth for lying, this stuff was far from orgasmic. But then right when I thought I couldn't handle it, I said I want an epidural and only way I can get one is to let my hormones flow. And at that instance my birth switched.
I put heating pad on my back, turned on kingdom melodies, prayed and leaned over my bed while pulling on sheets during rushes. And it was so intense and beautiful, I finally hit my sweet spot. I then got on the bed and laid on my left side, and felt my body start pushing. I naturally just curled inward around a pillow and held on to pack n play beside my bed. It was so intense, and was so much pressure but it felt amazing. It was like making love and you get so caught up in moment...it can be rough but it still feels just so amazing you don't care. It was like that but so much better, I could feel hormones rolling through my blood and bringing me this incredible pleasure. I just automatically held my right leg in the air and my body went to work and guided my baby out. I felt warm and hazy and I just felt an inner voice not really tell me, but let me know, it's time to squat. So I got off the bed, hovered over my chux pads and felt below. I could feel how warm, buttery and slippery I was. I asked hubby to grab mirror and said he's coming. He was so drunk with sleep he thought I was just saying it until he saw head and then rushed into action. I giggled to myself and just couldn't believe how good this felt and that it was happening. My well meaning hubby tried to get under me and catch baby but he just threw me off, and we retracted then with two pushes shoulder and body slide out on the floor. I felt the tear but it was absent minded and didn't hurt I just felt the fast skin stretch. I was so impatient and didn't care. I then moved baby forward and swung my leg over its body and leaned back. I brought it to my chest, smiled, kissed and just rambled on welcomes, high sweeet baby, hello Jax and what not. My awesome husband sat beside me and said I love you Jax. And I slipped back into the real world. I said "oh check and make sure he's a boy, were calling him Jax and don't even know his sex." Well I saw a penis and my mind confirmed what my heart already knew. I quickly asked for a towel to warm and rub his back. He only cried once then settled on my chest and sucked his hand. I then asked to get pictures. Then finally realized I didn't know what time he was born. My father in law shouted out 1:11 when he heard first cry. I thanked him and just soaked in our gift. Then I started shaking and saw huge blood clot thing. I took placenta ease then told hubby call ambulance to check us out. Ambulance came and I realized I was shaking from hormones and pure excitement. We woke up my mom to give me a robe from her house so I can be dressed when they transported us. She was shocked I had him home alone and was a little dazed and confused. Daddy then cut the cord and we wrapped up and transported. I was fine and found out my buddy was 9lb 10oz and 21in long with 13cm head. And the rest is history.
Well, when I found out I was pregnant when my daughter was 8 months old, I was excited yet hestitant. I just turned twenty and was going to be a mom twice over and knew my uterus would just be on cusp of VBAC "ok" rules. But I learned my lesson, no more just blindly trusting doctors without real research and proof. No more being compliant. And to put my faith in Jehovah God instead of man. I'm my baby's sole guardian and protector, I must be woman and stand up. I was excited for first prenatal and was armed with info and so excited to bring another gift in the world. Well I was devasted to hear flat out "This hospital doesn 't do VBACs, you want one go somewhere else." End of discussion. I was hurt and disappointed. I found out just how sad my little state was when it came to birth. Nobody touched them and our c-section rate is 35%. But I still studied, looked for support online and through mutual friends, and most importantly prayed to Jehovah God about what I should do. I insisted VBAC is what we want and VBAC is what we're gonna get. I stuck with my local midwives and doctor practice. When they saw how determined I was I got support, was clearly told the hospital's policy of no VBACs but was also encouraged for being smart.
I planned on a UC and had tried to hire a doula, but birth is so misunderstood in my state and women are literally fighting for homebirth and normal birth everyone was too scared to actually take part, for fear of being arrested and accused of practicing medicine without a license. But I did talk to some wonderful ladies and one doula was amazing for answering all my questions and really preparing me if I did decide to have a unattended birth. I was on the fence of UC or laboring at home as long possible then transfer.
Well at 38 weeks outward pressure and my nerves built and I didn't know if I could really do it. I saw a very rough OB who was irritated that I waited so long to schedule and demanded I schedule a cesarean. I broke down, scheduled it and cried to the woman how I was disappointed and hurt. They scheduled it for the following week due to my request (which they found shocking a woman would wait so long). But then I had a miraculous midwife who told me to basically believe in myself, that I have power to cancel my section, they can't force me in to one. And if I did show up pushing and ready to go they couldn't force me. That gave me the extra courage and strength I needed to cancel my RCS for the next day. That weekend I lost my mucus plug, had bloody show and was hopeful my baby would be in my arms very soon. Nonetheless, I found myself disappointed and frustrated. My cousin and aunt who were due a few days apart had their babies already and everyone was worried what was wrong with me. I was 40 weeks and avoided the office, I knew we were healthy and ok. Family & well meaning friends became so overly zealous I shut the world out and tuned in to support VBAC and natural birth communities, then most importantly my self.
I found myself bitting my nails watching weeks tick by, reassuring myself & others 40, then 41 and finally 42 weeks was still ok. I had prodromal labor whole time and felt flustered. On Monday (going on Tuesday) night, I had contractions that felt real and became excited and went to hospital--I was so ready for this to be it!! Midwife on duty was very snappy and pissed I was 42 weeks, had no Rh shot and no c-section. I said if I'm 10cm and ready to go let me push. But i was only 2-3 and 80% effaced (I had been there since 37 weeks). They wanted me to have c-section or leave AMA. My husband talked me through it and we agreed AMA. So we left, made arrangements for oldest & traveled 1hr and 1/2 to a teaching hospital to have VBAC hope. When we arrived I was only 4cm and 90% with contractions 10minute apart but not doing anything. The OB said she wouldn't allow me to VBAC and my chances were only 20%. I could have had c-section that day and finally have my bun. I refused it and said I only would agree if a biophysical profile showed baby was in danger. Well he scored 8 out of 8 and we still kept didn't know what sex our baby was. We once again agreed to AMA and go home after resting at his parents nearby.
Finally that friday at 8am, my water broke in a huge gush while we were in bed. I leaked for a day and had no real contractions. But I spent that night at my mom's because I knew my toddler was bringing me out of labor land and it helped. Saturday afternoon I felt rushes occasionally and my hubby brought over our daughter so he could really clean house before baby arrived. My sweet daughter rubbed my thighs while I labored a bit on the toilet. Finally around 10pm that night rushes seemed to pick up and get serious. At 10:40, I must have hit second stage--I labored in shower/tub and moooed to keep my bottom open. Hubby kept asking if it was time to go to hospital but I knew we past that point I was finally feeling primal like everyone told me I would. It was horribly painful, I couldn't get comfortable and just wanted it to end. I mentally was cussing out those ladies on orgasmic birth for lying, this stuff was far from orgasmic. But then right when I thought I couldn't handle it, I said I want an epidural and only way I can get one is to let my hormones flow. And at that instance my birth switched.
I put heating pad on my back, turned on kingdom melodies, prayed and leaned over my bed while pulling on sheets during rushes. And it was so intense and beautiful, I finally hit my sweet spot. I then got on the bed and laid on my left side, and felt my body start pushing. I naturally just curled inward around a pillow and held on to pack n play beside my bed. It was so intense, and was so much pressure but it felt amazing. It was like making love and you get so caught up in moment...it can be rough but it still feels just so amazing you don't care. It was like that but so much better, I could feel hormones rolling through my blood and bringing me this incredible pleasure. I just automatically held my right leg in the air and my body went to work and guided my baby out. I felt warm and hazy and I just felt an inner voice not really tell me, but let me know, it's time to squat. So I got off the bed, hovered over my chux pads and felt below. I could feel how warm, buttery and slippery I was. I asked hubby to grab mirror and said he's coming. He was so drunk with sleep he thought I was just saying it until he saw head and then rushed into action. I giggled to myself and just couldn't believe how good this felt and that it was happening. My well meaning hubby tried to get under me and catch baby but he just threw me off, and we retracted then with two pushes shoulder and body slide out on the floor. I felt the tear but it was absent minded and didn't hurt I just felt the fast skin stretch. I was so impatient and didn't care. I then moved baby forward and swung my leg over its body and leaned back. I brought it to my chest, smiled, kissed and just rambled on welcomes, high sweeet baby, hello Jax and what not. My awesome husband sat beside me and said I love you Jax. And I slipped back into the real world. I said "oh check and make sure he's a boy, were calling him Jax and don't even know his sex." Well I saw a penis and my mind confirmed what my heart already knew. I quickly asked for a towel to warm and rub his back. He only cried once then settled on my chest and sucked his hand. I then asked to get pictures. Then finally realized I didn't know what time he was born. My father in law shouted out 1:11 when he heard first cry. I thanked him and just soaked in our gift. Then I started shaking and saw huge blood clot thing. I took placenta ease then told hubby call ambulance to check us out. Ambulance came and I realized I was shaking from hormones and pure excitement. We woke up my mom to give me a robe from her house so I can be dressed when they transported us. She was shocked I had him home alone and was a little dazed and confused. Daddy then cut the cord and we wrapped up and transported. I was fine and found out my buddy was 9lb 10oz and 21in long with 13cm head. And the rest is history.
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